Double standards between men and women definitely exist whether we admit them or not. Their existence is actually quite reasonable. Men and women are very different in their looks, upbringing, preferences, and a host of other things. So how is it surprising then that society has different expectations of them?
Let’s talk about sex for one example. Men have long been considered more sexually active and inclined to pursuing more sexual partners than women. Maybe it has something to do with their fertility. They can have babies well past 50, compared to women whose fertility has a shorter lifetime. It may also be because women are the ones who have to suffer the pains of child-bearing and child birth, and as such, feel less desire to go through the act that might lead to this consequence. Another possibility is that men are seen as the dominant sex in most parts of the world; societal and peer pressure force them to uphold this expectation in many ways, including through sexual conquests. Some may argue, of course, that these things do not hold true anymore since sex nowadays is usually just for getting intimate or having fun, and not about building a family.
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Aside from this, there have been a lot of movements aimed at empowering women and enhancing their sense of equality, such as women’s liberation movements and the deployment of politically correct terms. But are moves to eradicate double standards between men and women in the issue of sex really beneficial? Or even necessary?
I know that a long time ago it was considered a major faux pas for us women to come on too strong, such as in the case of being the one to ask a guy out on a date. Nowadays, such occurrences are common and those who wait for the guy to be the first one to ask are considered repressed or outdated. For me, it would have been okay if it stopped at that, at simply being open enough to express one’s self and bold enough to make the first move when you’re really interested in having a relationship with someone. These days though, women seem to want to be on equal footing with men, even in the sense of having comparable numbers of sex partners.
The idea that “if they can do it, so can we” seems to be pushed to the extreme: casual sex becomes the norm. Women rationalize it as exercising their freedom, but some often go so far that in the end even men lose respect for them. I’m not being prudish here. It’s true that having sex feels good, to say the least, and that you shouldn’t stop having it with someone you care about simply because of other people’s prescribed norms. But what are we missing out on here? Women no longer just have sex with people they care about. I’ve heard many men say that there are women to have fun with, and those to take seriously. Women who have sex with men too readily usually end up in the “only for fun” part.
It may seem that I am all for men having casual sex, but not for women. But that’s not the case. I would rather that both sexes don’t get into it. I just find it easier to understand why men would do it since they really have nothing to lose or fear. As a woman, I always consider the possibility of getting pregnant when I have sex with someone since there really isn’t 100% guarantee when it comes to condoms. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget to use one.
It just seems more responsible, caring, and more respectful of myself if the ones I have sex with are really the ones I’m serious about. I’ve seen so many single mothers out there who have babies they consider as mistakes instead of as the products of love. And it’s just so sad.
Men and women are different. True, men shouldn’t judge women using standards that they can use themselves and vice versa. However, we should also not fall prey into the idea of removing double standards by just doing what we think men or society expects from us. We are strong. We are smart, and we should be the ones to decide on what’s right for us.